An open letter to my mom
Mom,
The first time I heard the saying “the way you talk to your child becomes their inner voice”, something clicked in my brain. I can see how your body imagine issues have traveled down and taken root in all of your daughters. Our house was not that big, we heard you talk about how much you hated your body. You were not quite about your self loathing.
I wish you could have taken a step back and realized you had four daughters that look like you. The love handles you hate so much? I have those too, I got them from you. My body is shaped just like yours. I have watched all my sisters struggle through various diet and body modification attempts. All to be skinnier, all to be the smallest possible version of themselves.
Your youngest? She religiously counts every calorie and is proud when she eats less than 1,000 calories a day. Even the days she does hard workouts, she consumes as little as possible. Your oldest sees herself as unlovable. Your second oldest has had several surgeries and still tries to make herself as small as possible in whatever space she is in. I spent my teens and early 20s eating as little as possible and riddled with guilt anytime I overate.
And I know you have been doing the same. I have seen and heard you talk about the dozens of diet programs you’ve tried, the ozempic you are on. I have seen you keep clothes you haven’t fit into for years, still trying them on just so you can be upset when they don’t fit.
Now that you have lost weight on ozempic, tell me. Was it all worth it? Was the misery you shared with us and the years of self hatred all the price you would have paid for your size 2 jeans?
xoxo, Ducky